Not true. Not even a little.

There’s this myth that I grew up on (insert not funny joke here). It started back in my high school days. It seemed plausible, and more to the point, it was, at least then, completely unverifiable. This made it as good as true, as far as any of us were concerned (and remains good enough for everyone who believes in god[s]).

The myth is that Japanese fans were the best on Earth. “These kids are fucking maniacs”, we thought. “Every band loves to play Japan because the Japanese kids are so into their music.”

As far as I can tell, it’s not true.

I dunno, maybe I haven’t seen enough shows to form an accurate opinion (what would that sound like anyway?). But at $70 (or more) a pop, who the fuck can afford research? And, as always, I will be the first to admit that I don’t know a fucking thing about a fucking thing.

BUT!

I noticed it when I went to see Rachmaninov’s 3rd Piano Concerto. Now, I’m just like any other guy that saw the movie Shine, and was all touched, and then got crazy about Rachmaninov’s music. I mean, Isle of the Dead? Kids today think goth music is dark, but nothing compares to the monstrous despair of this tone poem that must have been truly frightening back in 1908.

I digress.

Rachmaninov’s 3rd Piano Concerto, as you will remember, broke Geoffrey Rush’s character’s brain into little pieces after playing it, so you know it’s gotta be good. Anyway, when you play this 46 minute fucking beast (as the pianist) you have to play by memory, because how the fuck are you gonna turn the pages on your sheet music? And holy shit is it hard! Probably the Mt Everest of piano pieces for sheer length, complexity, and energy. Don’t forget, the pianist must also interpret the piece as well.

Anyway, the piece comes to its magnificent end, and homeboy fucking killed it. The applause come, but not one person gets to their feet. Not fucking one. I’ve been to performances of much lower stature, and lets face it, that’s pretty much most of the canon of classical music, and people almost always get to their feet. To not get to your feet and applaud anyone who could perform this of all pieces was to me a minor outrage. Minor because, well, so what, right? But an outrage nonetheless. Were I to lay bare the entirety of my talent before a huge audience, and find them too god damn indolent to get to their fucking feet, well, I might just storm off, and cash the fat paycheck I just got.

But there is more to life than money, just as there is more to life than art, or achievement, or good manners. And I can hear those inclined to the notion of cultural relativism admonishing me now. They say, “but Justin, you cannot hold people of one culture to the standards of another”, or “but perhaps they were showing the highest level of praise, and you simply didn’t notice.”

And I say, “now hold on just a god damn minute here. These people have paid good money to see a performance of Western music. They have worn Western clothes. They have decided not to beat the women who have accompanied them, in public. They’re not firing guns in the air to elaborate on their emotional state. Now, they have chosen to do, or not do, all of these things, in accordance with well established (at least in the last century, or less) Western conventions. In light of all these facts I think you should get off your ass and applaud this guy.”

But alas, my Japanese is very weak.

And there began an ongoing personal observation. The Japanese are NOT crazy fans. This was reconfirmed last night when I went to see Stereolab play. I was fucking stoked. There was no way I wasn’t going to have a good time at that shit. Only, I looked around, and for the most part, the Japanese audience (fully 90% of the people there) looked like they were only mildly entertained. The venue was fairly small, and the audience could not have been more than 100 or so people. I felt a little embarrassed for Stereolab, but not in the condescending way. They admitted to not being in Japan for some 5 years, and who can fucking blame them.

There’s a phenomenon that all of us, whether explicitly or implicitly, comprehend. At a live musical performance, the energy you give the performers (screaming, dancing, clapping, smiling), they will give back to you. It is an unspoken compact dating back to when beating rocks together sounded pretty fucking good. Bands can sense lazy fans the way a server senses a bad tipper. The price of admission guarantee’s nothing. Just ask Morrissey fans that nearly rioted when everyone’s favorite abstainer put on a 20-minute show.

And Stereolab put on a great set, all things considered. Were I to make a best of album, 80% of what they played last night would be on it. And with a catalog as deep as theirs, it’s not so difficult. But because Japanese fans are in fact shit, I got a by-the-numbers show that ran 90 minutes with one encore. Towards the end Latetia thanked Tokyo (we’re in Osaka) and felt embarrassed. Why? There’s no goddamn difference between shitty fans here, or in that other city.

Don’t believe the hype.