An open letter to Joaquin Phoenix.

Dude, you're not that talented or cool. Letterman smoked you like a borrowed clove, and you fucking let him.

Oh, and actors never have successful music careers. Maybe that's why Madonna has sold so many albums.

Oh wait, it's because she's a talentless fucking whore, that's right.

Anyway, I hear you're giving up acting.

Later dick.